On top of all that, there are the more subtle, more cerebral, considerations surrounding the overwhelming fear about the details of your story becoming public information. The details of the event are of course very personal and very humiliating. Why would you want everyone to know those things about you? Why would you want everyone who ever sees you or meets you for the rest of your life to associate you with such atrocities? With such vulnerability? To see those images of you in their minds? They have no right to see that; no none does. Why would you want to identify yourself in that way to other people? To be inextricably intertwined with that story, so that it forever becomes a part of your identity in others' minds? Why tell people those things, and in so doing, perhaps make yourself that much more vulnerable than you already are, which is pretty damned vulnerable?
Maybe part of the fear comes from a fear a re-attack. If people know you are damaged in this way, then what if they use that information to take advantage of you again? After all, some people are evil, and those people do and will take advantage. That, if nothing else, is what you have learned from your awful, dreadful experience. Right?
Indeed, there is so much to consider in deciding whether to tell anyone at all (let alone everyone), if so, who, when, and how much to tell, and what will happen to you, your identity, your life, and to the lives of others, as a result of coming forward.
But as the thinking here (in this article below) goes, it is only in silence that the perpetrators continue to win. Again and again and again. They are guaranteed through your silence that they will continue to live their lives without any real consequences or repercussions, and they will (in most cases) be guaranteed the opportunity to reoffend over and over again, continuing to ruin the lives of the vulnerable and everyone around them. Maybe, just maybe, by finally putting aside the shame and the secrecy, in the name of privacy, we as a society can truly understand the depth and the gravity of what you have been through, how it has affected you, how it has affected everyone else in your life, and what we as a society can and should DO about it. Only then can we all truly understand the importance of accountability and community support. Maybe your story will not be enough to send your rapist(s) to prison for life, or to prevent him (or her, or them) from hurting someone else, but with your story, at least there's a chance. Without it, there's nothing but privacy.
Easier said than done.
On the other hand, the whole idea of rape shield laws and a victim's right of privacy was to help survivors maintain their dignity and avoid public scrutiny and condemnation. I could certainly see that point of view, too. After all you've been through, why should you be punished or humiliated by putting yourself out there like that? On the other hand, are you, at some point, doing a disservice to the public by not sharing this information? Yes, these are difficult decisions indeed.
There is no right or wrong answer. It always depends on your individual situation and what you know and feel in your heart is the right thing to do. But this article was moving and powerful and inspiring and raised some very good points to consider. I think this courageous young lady, Daisy Coleman, like the hundreds of other survivors who have chosen to go public, has some good things to say. Part of the new dynamic with today's young adults is that social media has the ability to quickly and powerfully transform social consciousness in ways that were not available to the young adults of yesterday. For better or for worse, privacy is being eroded, sometimes by choice, sometimes not, but one upside is that people seem to care more about these issues than they did before. And that (hopefully) is a good thing for women today.
Why Rape Victims Are Giving Up Their Right to Privacy - nymag.com
On the flip side, there is also the dreadful possibility that photos or videos of the actual assault will be released to the public:
This is NOT, I repeat, this is NOT, the same as thing as the survivor making a conscious, informed decision about whether to tell her (or his) story. Only YOU as the survivor should have the power to decide if, when, who, and how much to tell. But this related issue also touches on privacy and victims' rights when it comes to sexual assault, so I thought it was worth including. And it does raise a larger question common to both issues: Does putting sexual assault more into the public limelight, and the public media, increase awareness of the problem and support for survivors, or does it merely increase insensitivity to violence, as well as public condemnation and threats of violence toward the survivor? I suppose it all depends on how the information is conveyed.
